I apologize

Dear Zoey,

You are going to turn 6 in the next few days, In Sha Allah. I can’t believe time has gone by so fast. I can write all about you and your amazing-ness, but today I want to apologize. You know being a first time mom is so so overwhelming and well, difficult.

I tried to be the best mom possible, but now that I look back, I think I took the journey a bit too seriously. I remember all the times when you wanted to play and I insisted on your nap. Because, I had heard and read about how important naps were. What I didnt understand was that when you are tired, of course you will take a nap.

I remember lovingly making the banana orange puree that you hated. But I force fed you because you needed the iron and vitamin C. What I didnt realize was that you could easily get them from the fruits and vegetables that you did enjoy eating.

I remember leaving you howling at your preschool at 16 months because idiotically I was convinced that thats the right thing to do. What I dont want to apologize for is the fact that we took you out of that place 2 weeks later. Best decision ever.

However, I do want to apologize for the fact that when you didnt want to socialize I would get upset and maybe give you a hard time. All I was trying to do was help you make friends.

I want to apologize for lying to you that one time, that you still remember. I didnt mean to break your trust. Infact, I wanted to help you ease up. But of course, I learnt that to you being honest means everything.

I apologize for all the times that I have been so harsh with you because of Noor. I understand that you are also a first time older sister and you are also learning. I need to be patiently loving. I am sorry for all the things that I said and did that hurt you.

I want to thank you for being who you are despite my shortcomings. I cannot promise that I wont make any more mistakes, but I can promise that every time I make a mistake and realize, I will sincerely apologize. I love you more than I can ever show or express. Please dont stop being that amazing and awesome person that you are!

UZI_5260

 

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