There comes a times in life and hopefully everyone’s life when you want to just leave everything and go away. To look at life from a different perspective, to think about things that matter, to get some more sleep, basically just to push the refresh button.
Being a mother is taxing. Being a mother of two is exhausting. Being a mother of three, I don’t know even how the game is played. I just have respect for mothers, regardless of the number of children they are upbringing. Please don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. And the hubby. And the jing bang. But lately I feel the need to push the refresh button. Almost 6 years ago, post Zoey’s birth, my life has been revolving around naps, snacks, school, librarys and pool. In the whirlwind I almost forgot what me time is. Luckily for me, I am surrounded by wonderful mothers who believe and advocate that kids are the first priority. And why shouldn’t they be?
That said, everytime I think of a mini vacation just for myself, I am transported into this another world. The idea of spending time with the self who I have forgotten about makes me all fluttery in the tummy. In a good way. So, keeping that fluttering in mind, I finally gathered the courage to discuss about this mini timeoff with the hubby. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt guilty, not because I wanted to go away but because I wanted to go away without them. I felt ashamed, thinking that maybe I am a bad mother wanting time to myself. Maybe the kids will start loving me less when I come back. Insecurities.
But hubby was supportive. And encouraged me to take time off. Deep down inside I was hoping he would say no to my idea. So later on in life, I could blame him for not giving me space. And the time to reunite with my older self.
This is all conversations. I have been exploring the world map, researching where I could and spend quality time with myself. But when I am closing or bookmarking the tab, I have this little birdy whisper to me that this is not right and I shouldnt be doing this.
Tell me, whats your take on this? Should, I tell myself ja kanwal ja, jee lay apni zindagi? or should I remind myself that in another few years (read neverending years) the kids will be off into their own lives and I will have all the timeoff I ever wanted?