Ja kanwal ja, jee lay apni zindagi…..par kaisay?

There comes a times in life and hopefully everyone’s life when you want to just leave everything and go away. To look at life from a different perspective, to think about things that matter, to get some more sleep, basically just to push the refresh button.

Being a mother is taxing. Being a mother of two is exhausting. Being a mother of three, I don’t know even how the game is played. I just have respect for mothers, regardless of the number of children they are upbringing. Please don’t get me wrong. I love my kids. And the hubby. And the jing bang. But lately I feel the need to push the refresh button. Almost 6 years ago, post Zoey’s birth, my life has been revolving around naps, snacks, school, librarys and pool. In the whirlwind I almost forgot what me time is. Luckily for me, I am surrounded by wonderful mothers who believe and advocate that kids are the first priority. And why shouldn’t they be?

That said, everytime I think of a mini vacation just for myself, I am transported into this another world. The idea of spending time with the self who I have forgotten about makes me all fluttery in the tummy. In a good way. So, keeping that fluttering in mind, I finally gathered the courage to discuss about this mini timeoff with the hubby. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt guilty, not because I wanted to go away but because I wanted to go away without them.  I felt ashamed, thinking that maybe I am a bad mother wanting time to myself. Maybe the kids will start loving me less when I come back. Insecurities.

But hubby was supportive. And encouraged me to take time off. Deep down inside I was hoping he would say no to my idea. So later on in life, I could blame him for not giving me space. And the time to reunite with my older self.

This is all conversations. I have been exploring the world map, researching where I could and spend quality time with myself. But when I am closing or bookmarking the tab, I have this little birdy whisper to me that this is not right and I shouldnt be doing this.

Tell me, whats your take on this? Should, I tell myself ja kanwal ja, jee lay apni zindagi? or should I remind myself that in another few years (read neverending years) the kids will be off into their own lives and I will have all the timeoff I ever wanted?

2 thoughts on “Ja kanwal ja, jee lay apni zindagi…..par kaisay?

  1. Everyone, mommy or not, should have the option to take a little time off for themselves. It’s great that your husband is supportive of this. I was supposed to be heading to Paris this summer with my girlfriend, leaving hubs to to take care of our 3 year old. However, that plan has been pushed back a few years, as we’re now expecting baby number 2. But my point is – don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about this. It’s not like you’re leaving your kids behind with strangers, or not planning on coming back. You’re going to come back refreshed, and probably an even better mother to your little girls! Ja kanwal, ja!

  2. Poette, thank you for your comment. I hope I will stick to my courage and go ahead with the uch needed time off! Hope you’re doing well.

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