Lost Kat

Post Noor life has been so…well,  full of life. Between school pick and drops, playdates, birthdays, meetings, shoots and everything else that I am forgetting, I barely get time out. So much so, that I have mastered the skill of showering within 6 minutes. I am amazed at myself. So, when I am putting the kids to bed everynight, I fantasize about the “my” time I am going to get in a while. I visualize myself propped up in bed, sipping hot chocolate and typing away philosophical statements. I get so euphoric thinking about this, that I miss a line or two of the book I am reading to the kids. Dont get me wrong, I love my monkeys. But I also love my time to myself. Or the thought of it.

So, once the monkeys are asleep, the truth is that I am too. Sadly, I think I fall asleep before them. And the next thing I know is that I am woken up in the middle of the night by one of my bachas because the other one was kicking her. This is my life. And I am becoming comfortable in it. I have forgotten what alone time is. And I will, for the first time say it out loud, that I am also scared of the thought of alone time too. I am just not used to being by self anymore.

So, today is sans kids day. I am at my moms and the kids are spending the day at our home. The morning seems longer. Time seems to have stopped. Every few minutes I panic and look at the watch thinking its snack time for one and nap time for the other one. And then I realize they are not around. This is not how I had imagined my down time. I miss the constant noise pollution. and the constant mess. I miss my old self who liked spending time with herself. I miss the kat.


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