Back in school days, I was one of those students who was popular because she had friends in all classes and almost all sections. Be it junior or senior, I knew other fellow schoolers because I would exchange books, I loved sharing lunches and if nothing else, I could sit with a total stranger and grumble about how white uniforms never did justice to students who loved playing sports.
As, I reached the senior year in school, i lost that charm of making friends. making focus was now more towards studies and choosing a career. Somehow, by the time I reached university, I was in touch with only a handful of people, but all that was good.
Entering professional life meant meeting new people, making less friends, but more acquaintances….and keeping in touch with the old few friends who knew where you were coming from.
Lately, the realisation has hit me that almost all the “old” friends have just vanished. One friend, completely lost touch after my shaadi….and for a reason which i dont know about. (this friend was one of the close few who also had my mums mobile number, in case of an emergency). I tried getting in touch with her. But I guess she had had enough of me.
Another friend, not from early days, but a good friend nonetheless, also, is totally out of touch. But thats my fault. One day after confessing to me about how bad a friend I have been for not going and seeing his 7 month old baby in lahore, he bought up stuff from the past, that i thought we had resolved. I spaced out for the time I dont come to terms with the fact that I am a bad friend.
No, it dosent end here.
Another friend, whos got married three years ago and has a baby who goes to school, also thinks that I am not a lovely friend because I dont keep in touch, because it is a given fact that due to her being a mom, shes busy…..but i am free. I should be the one to keep in touch all the time…
The more I think about it, the more assertive it gets that maybe its not them…..its me.